One of the key moments in the health care bill passage was the president's power of persuasion in getting noted nutbar Dennis Kucinich to change his no vote to a yes. Kucinich was one of maybe twelve people in the know universe who thought the bill wasn't liberal ENOUGH. So Mr. Obama takes his fellow leftist on a plane ride on Air Force One. Most Chicago tough guys, when they take someone 'for a ride', just pick them up in their Lincoln, drive around the lake pointing out some of the deeper areas and hint that it's not easy to swim in boots made of concrete, and, shockingly, the guy taken for a ride all of a sudden changes his attitude about things. However, when you get to be POTUS, you can take the classier route in your own private highly secure jet.
Through highly nefarious and dangerous means, I have managed to secure an audio recording of the conversation between these two powerful men who care so much for our country (as you will soon discover). For all those of you who will say that I merely made this up as a comic exercise, I say...So? Now, the edited (Barack, no friend of the military, cusses like a sailor) version of this dramatic conversation:
BO: C'mon, Dennis. I let you come on my plane and you still won't change your vote? What is wrong with you?
DK: There is nothing wrong with me, but my conscience will not permit me to vote for the bill without the public option. Also known as the government option. Once known as socialized medicine. Don't hear that phrase bandied about much anymore, do you?
BO: We get it already, Dennis; you're old. We haven't much time left, those evil men with the Rs by their names are pulling every dirty trick in the book to block this historic legislation that will cement my legacy. Why, if I didn't know any better, you'd think they think more of the American people than of my (dramatic southern accent for no apparent reason) legacy. (Continues speaking like Foghorn Leghorn) Why, I say, I say, ain't nothin' more important than my LEGACY. When--and if--I leave office, my LEGACY will be all that remains. (Switches back to normal voice) Why don't those Rs know this? Do they not care? How heartless can you be?
DK: Those Republicans are evil, all right. Sometimes I think they're walk-ins.
BO: Walk-ins? What are you tal...
DK: You know, walk-ins. There are several well researched and documented books on the subject. That's when an alien takes over the body of a human!
(There is silence, probably stunned silence, for several minutes, then Barack hatches his ingenious plan):
BO: You know, as president, I am privy to all our secrets concerning UFOs and aliens and alien autopsies on the Fox network although their news division is too harmfully conservative for me, and, if you play your cards right, I just might let loose a secret or two that will be our little secret. How about it, Denny? Can you play ball NOW?
DK (panting): Golly gee, Mr. President, do you really mean it? Do ya? Gosh, I always wanted to know what was going on in that Area 51!
BO (conspiratorially): We're all the way up to 58 in areas now, DK. Do you mind if I call you DK?
DK: Gosh, no, B. O.!
BO: I DO mind that moniker! Anyway, how about it!
DK: Well, gosh, I hate to go against my principles, but...I can't resist. I just hafta know what them aliens are up to now! Are they still goin' around impregnatin' trailer girls?
BO: Dennis, we have a lot to talk about. After the vote.
Now, wherever Dennis goes, he keeps a special cell phone that the president gave him. Dennis hardly gets any sleep because he is so keyed up anticipating the phone call he is sure he will soon receive.
Keep waiting, Mr. Kucinich. Your time, as well as B.O.'s, will come.
